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PORN ADDICTION
Here are some key ideas about pornography addiction, so we can better understand what we are dealing with.
Are you addicted to pornography or cybersex?
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Porn and cybersex addictions are common now with universal access to endless sexual stimulation and sexual encounters at your fingertips through our smartphones.
You are concerned about your pornography use. But are you really addicted to PMO--porn, masturbation and orgasm?
Of course, if you or others are distressed by your porn or other sex related habit, then it is a real problem for you, "official" addiction or not. And if you are reading this, you may well need support to get over it. Most people do.
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If you are worried about your porn habit, then it is enough of a problem to get help with
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WHAT ARE SIGNS OF A PORN ADDICTION?
- Tried to quit but can't, and tend to become irritable or anxious when you try to do without it.
- Lying about or hiding your use or the real extent of your use from others.
- Using porn to escape uncomfortable feelings and problems.
Signs of pornography addiction are similar to signs of any addiction
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Porn Stats
Porn & Marriage
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Porn & youth
Porn & Christians
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Why Is Porn So Addictive?The key reason why internet porn is so irresistible is because of dopamine, the brain chemical that makes us feel very good. Dopamine is a natural reward and reinforcer for doing healthy things that nature wants us to do, like achieving something difficult, or comforting our child or making love to our spouse.
Speaking of the latter, orgasm is what releases the strongest dose of dopamine in our brain. Orgasm is similar to the high caused by cocaine.
Our brain does not resister a big difference between having real sex with our spouse or masturbating to a porn-induced fantasy.
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Internet porn, like cocaine, hijacks the brain's reward system
Internet porn, like cocaine, hijacks the brain's reward system
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"drug abuse"
Every click to a new sexual image or video sends another shot of dopamine. Thus, repeated manipulation of dopamine hits through porn and masturbation is really a kind of “drug abuse,” since it is exploiting natural brain chemicals.
By the way, the dopamine reward system does not only encourage getting to that porn site and masturbating to orgasm. It also rewards every step along the way there--getting alone, taking out our smartphone, and sifting through Youtube music videos before getting to our real destination, our favorite porn sites.
Porn use is really a kind of “drug abuse,” since it is exploiting natural brain chemicals. |
Our brain comes to connect certain external or internal cues with the reward of orgasm. It becomes sensitized so that whenever we encounter these thoughts or feelings or environmental situations, these trigger a strong push to move towards porn.
In this sense, porn has hijacked the brain’s reward system. And it can even override the natural impulses to enjoy sex with our spouse. This is why cocaine addicts sometimes lose all interest in sex.
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hyper-arousal
This becomes more and more necessary as we develop tolerance to simple images of naked bodies or people having ordinary sex. We may then pursue more and more unexpected, shocking and perverse porn to get that same anticipated dopamine hit.
What internet porn can do that real lovemaking cannot is to accelerate the stimulation way beyond anything natural. It is an artificial super-stimulus the brain was not designed to handle. The endless variety of countless, new sexy images available on demand creates hyper-arousal.
This is why some porn users may get bored with sex with their spouse and sometimes be unable to even get aroused. Nothing in real life can equal what the brain has been trained to need—that infinite variety of faked, rapidly changing pictures.
We may resort to fantasizing about porn images or even stare at actual porn to maintain interest during sex with our spouse.
Is a Porn addiction the same as A Sex Addiction?
A porn addiction is not the same as a sex addiction
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All sex-related habits have something in common, so it's natural to lump porn addictions with sex addictions.
Most sex addicts habitually use porn, and many porn addicts get involved with live partners via webcam or other cybersex contexts, it can be hard to distinguish any difference.
However, there are some contrasts.
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Pixels over people
Porn addicts prefer pixels over people.
Online porn addicts like their sex mediated by screens. It's safer in every way, and it takes far less work to reach orgasm that way.
Sex addiction on the other hand, involves real people in real situations. The allure is the constant novelty of partners, not pixels. They willingly sacrifice safety to enjoy their sexual encounters, whether with prostitutes, affair partners or as an exhibitionist.
Both porn viewers and Peeping Toms look at the same things, and sexting and flashing seem similar. But there is a big difference, isn't there?
Like Video Games
Porn addiction is more like a video game habit.
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Porn addicts are caught up in the constant hunt for new and different faces, bodies and activities.
It's the endless searching and the infinite variety and newness of image that is so absorbing. Hours can go by entranced with looking for yet another video before reaching climax.
Sex addicts, on the other hand, are more engaged with the 3-D world.
They may be similarly preoccupied with the game of looking for new partners, but it is with real people--and involves more risk. This substantial risk, with its adrenaline rush, heightens the arousal and the intoxication.
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Porn addiction resembles video game addiction
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performance problems
Porn users often have performance issues.
Many porn users substitute online sex for actual sexual involvement in real relationships. Though they may badly want a girlfriend, it becomes less and less likely they'll get one. It's a vicious cycle--the porn reduces motivation to pursue a partner, and having no partner amplifies the pull of porn.
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Worse, many porn addicts are alarmed to find they cannot perform with real women. (There have never been so many young people with erectile dysfunction!)
Sex addicts are in the opposite camp. They just want more partners and get too much substantial sex activity. They rarely have performance problems.
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Like games and other features of the smartphone itself, ordinary people are readily drawn to digital porn's endless novelty and responsiveness |
More common
If we take a liberal definition of "addiction" to include those simply troubled by their porn use, problematic porn use is far from uncommon, though exact statistics are hard to come by. As some reference, about two thirds of church going American men report regular use of porn--we can imagine most of them wish they could quit or cut back.
Porn habits have skyrocketed with the advent of high speed internet. It is free, readily available and accessible even to most children. Like games and other features of the smartphone itself, ordinary people are readily drawn to digital porn and cybersex's endless novelty and responsiveness As a result, many otherwise high functioning and healthy young people find themselves hooked on it.
Classic sex addiction is relatively uncommon, by contrast. It was originally discovered among people who had suffered abuse, and the pursuit of sex with large numbers of partners takes a lot more energy and courage than private, on-screen activities.
A porn habit can be more readily overcome than a sex addiction
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EASIER TO OVERCOMEPorn addiction seems easier to overcome.
Most people can overcome the worst of a porn habit--and reverse serious symptoms like porn-induced erectile dysfunction--with support in about three to four months.
Sex addicts have to work considerably harder. It normally takes several years to break the pattern.
Though there are real differences between most porn and PMO addicts (porn, masturbation and orgasm) and sex addicts, there is still a lot in common. Learning about sex addiction can be useful for the porn addict
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What is the porn addiction cycle?
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When we give in to a bad habit, we are on automatic pilot and in a kind of trance. It can seem like it “just happened,” or as is often said about a physical sexual encounter, “one thing just led to another.” But on closer inspection, succumbing to a bad habit has a certain repetitive pattern, called the Addiction Cycle.
When we understand how temptation and indulging the habit work, we can make it less mysterious.
When we get more insight into the process, we can better figure out how the pattern plays out for us and how to interrupt it before we act upon our urges.
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Knowing the addiction cycle means you can disrupt it
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Triggers
To start, the stage is set for the addiction cycle by having unwanted feelings: anxiety, anger, sadness, shame, loneliness, emptiness, etc. Or just boredom.
Triggers are "people, places and things" that remind us of our habit. |
We may not fully recognize that these feelings are even there, let alone know where they came from. Sometimes we act on our habit to head them off before they even fully arrive. For example, some people are constantly running from sadness because they find it threatening to admit they feel it.
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Next, after some unwanted feelings come up, we encounter triggers that make us think of our habit. These triggers are sights, sounds, smells or touches that lead to memories of good times and comfort through our habit.
With porn, these could be the sight of a laptop, the sound of a certain song, the smell like the lotion used while masturbating, the sensation of friction of clothing on the body that is arousing. Another common definition of triggers is “people, places, and things” that remind you of the habit.
After the unwanted feelings and then the triggers, a person may enter into the Addiction Cycle. You can draw a circle among three elements.
Acting on a porn habit starts with fantasizing about the pleasure it will bring (and forgetting the distress that comes later)
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1. FantasyFirst come Fantasy and preoccupation with the thought of viewing pornography and all that would follow.
There is anticipatory pleasure. Memories of past indulgences can run like a video in the background as you do other things. These memories, of course, have all the discomfort and bad consequences carefully edited out.
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2. Rituals
Next comes the preparatory Rituals. These are the things we set up to enjoy the habit.
These rituals can unconscious, and elements can seem unimportant until you see they are all part of the picture of getting to a certain goal: Indulging the beloved habit. These rituals can be simple and brief, or elaborate and take quite a long time.
There is the arrangements for being alone, such as staying up late. There is getting any necessary items. Perhaps there is some pretense of “checking email” and then “just out of curiosity” checking a favorite site for anything new.
Surprisingly, anticipation and preparation is a huge part of the pleasure.
3. Acting out
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This leads to the third stage, the Acting Out. Sometimes this can be quick. Sometimes it can be a long drawn out process of looking for the perfect image to masturbate with. In any event, there is a moment of comfort and pleasure.
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The only way we can stop our habit is to get out of the cycle before acting out. |
4. numbing
After sexual release, we drown out any mixed feelings, any misgivings about what we have done. We think, "I got relief. It's over. Don't think anymore about it." We focus on tasks at hand.
5. Discomfort
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Gradually, though, uncomfortable feelings come. Maybe it is guilt and shame over our inability to stop the habit. Or disgust over the waste of time. The hollow sense that what we just did was empty of meaning or real satisfaction.
At the very least, the stress or unwanted feelings we wanted to escape come back. And so we are re-triggered towards entering the cycle again.
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The fleeting pleasure of orgasm is forgotten when we realize what the porn addiction is doing to our lives
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Disrupting the cycle
The only way we can stop such a habit is to get out of the cycle before acting out. That means we can:
1. Avoid triggers. That’s why we have accountability filters, and why we distance ourselves from porn-using friends and a host of other tactics.
2. Notice the negative feelings at the outset and doing something constructive to move out of them. This is obviously the healthiest choice and can be learned.
Or we can notice we are triggered and reach out for contact with someone helpful or do something else until the urge goes away. Again, a great and healthy choice.
3. Notice we are preoccupied and fantasizing, and nip that in the bud. As before, this is easier if we talk to someone.
Getting support for your self control helps you regain your self respect and freedom from a porn addiction
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4. Finally, and this is late, we can admit we are getting into our rituals and decide to stop. We can put on the brakes especially if we connect to someone and get pulled out of our routine.
Realistically, the best way to break the cycle is to work with someone to learn about your own behavior and strategize how to disrupt the habits. And end the secrecy by having someone hold you accountable for your own goals.
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