FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
It's not easy to take the step to contact a counselor or coach. And how do you figure out which one to go with? There are a million profiles online and they all sound about the same.
I know. I've had to do it too! So here are some answers to common questions. If I don't answer it here, shoot me an email or text me.
How will You Help Me?
I will guide you to overcome your habit in small manageable doses, and help you get your entire life in greater balance and success.
You will have a safe place to talk about things you may have never talked about before with anyone, and it will feel good.
When you feel overwhelmed by all the challenges of change, I will give you perspective and hope that you can overcome them.
I'm here to encourage and cheer you on when your partner is too hurt and fed up with you to do that.
When you are full of self loathing over what you have done, I will point out your strengths. When you are kidding yourself, I will point out your weaknesses.
You can vent to me when you are angry, tired and feeling sorry for yourself, and I will still respect you.
You can tell me the most embarrassing and shameful things, and I will still accept and believe in you.
I will help "talk you off the ledge" when you are tempted to give up and give into your self defeating behavior.
What makes You different?
All In One.
I'm trained in Marriage and Family Therapy, and also in porn and masturbation addiction. I can help you with your habit and in repairing your relationship with your woman.
You do need a specialist in porn and sex addiction. Most other therapists make the mistake of focusing on contributing psychological issues instead of helping you control the habit itself.
I also am a licensed Mental Health Counselor, so I can help you with any depression, anxiety or other issues that might be making things worse (New York residents).
I favor research-proven methods, so I can go strictly scientific with you.
But I value my faith and if spirituality is a resource for you, I can capitalize on that asset too. I understand and respect many religious perspectives so I can honor what is important to you.
Raised in a conservative home and feeling a lot of guilt? I am particularly effective with that.
Online or In Person.
Working online is more convenient, more confidential, and inexpensive compared to in-person sessions.
And we can also meet in person north of Seattle, Washington.
You'll find that I am action-oriented, with down to earth, practical solutions that get results fast.
I focus on "How do I quit my porn habit/sex addiction?"
Though it's helpful to consider why you do what you do, the main thing is to break the pattern of your unwanted sexual behavior.
And to meet your real needs so you don't back to your habit.
Do you work with couples?
Couples coaching is a specialty of mine, and I will coach you individually to help you undo the damage to your relationship and rebuild trust and connection.
Yes. I can meet with both of you, by video call or in person. And also coach each of you separately to enhance your trust and connection.
I also recommend a separate couples counselor who specializes in this. And I also advise your partner to get her own coaching and support, to help her cope with how the infidelity is affecting her.
Where are you located?
I see almost all my clients via video conference calls, on Zoom. So in that sense, I'm "located" anywhere you are!
For in-person meetings, I have my office Everett, WA, just north of Seattle.
What are your rates?
Group video weekly coaching
$100 per month
Find out more here.
do you take insurance?
I don't participate in insurance panels. Chances are your insurance does not cover our online sessions in any case.
But the good news is that Group Coaching costs about the same as insurance co-pays. And text coaching is also inexpensive. And we can do half-hour One-on-One Coaching. And I have a few slots for sliding scale clients, so ask about them.
There's more good news. No insurance means I can keep your records completely confidential. I don't have to justify your sessions by giving you a mental health diagnosis that remains on your permanent health record. No one will ever know you have had coaching or counseling unless you tell them.
What other options Do i have?
Try using your Health Savings or Flexible Spending Account (HSA or FSA) to pay for sessions using pre-tax dollars.
Check if your or your spouse's employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). EAP is a common employee benefit that pays for counseling sessions.
Talk to your tax adviser to find out if you can deduct counseling expenses from your taxes as an out of pocket health expense.
do you have evening hours?
Best hours are the late morning and afternoon, but I have some early morning slots available. I have group coaching on selected evenings. Contact me to see what is open.
Do you do faith-based coaching?
My faith is important to me, and I will honor your spiritual perspective and encourage you to use it as a resource. But I have had uncomfortable experiences with faith-oriented counselors and I don't want to put you in that position. If you seek Christian-, Muslim- or other pastoral counseling, I would refer you elsewhere.
What will we do together?
Of course, this depends on what you want. But first we would generally work on stabilizing your habit, getting your behavior under control.
Next we will consider the inaccurate thoughts as well as the difficult feelings that might be driving the habit or making it worse.
Then we will work on balancing your life and get all your needs met in a healthy way.
Finally, we might begin addressing some of the hurtful experiences or childhood incidents that may be lurking below the surface and influencing your behavior more than you may think.
If you are married or in a relationship, we will be addressing your partner's concerns and your relationship all along the way.
What approach do you use?
I use a Cognitive Behavioral approach, the most effective according to research. It is practical, focused on the present, and involves your active participation in between sessions. I will ask you to read a little and answer a few questions in preparation for our appointments.
We are using Robert Weiss's materials, which are based on Patrick Carnes, the founder of sex addiction therapy.
I can also coach you in bioenergetic tools to help you reduce stress, anxiety and other conditions aggravating your habit.
how long does coaching usually last?
It depends on how many things need to be worked on and severe problems are. But on average, most men go for six months of individual sessions, and a year of group meetings.
Is my privacy protected if we are meeting online?
Yes. The Zoom platform we use is encrypted to federal healthcare confidentiality standards (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act or HIPAA).
You can also conceal your online identity with a nickname, if in a group, and choose not to turn on your webcam.
Are you a counselor or a coach? What's the difference?
Coaching is for keeping your recovery on track and learning some new behavior. It's what I naturally do by default. Sometimes all we need is information, skills and accountability to get to the freedom we want, rather than delving into issues from the past.
On the other hand, when your recovery is stuck, counseling is called for. (I am licensed for Washington and New York residents). Here we would work to help you gain insight into yourself and heal from lingering wounds from the past. This will help you let go of destructive reactions. You'll find greater freedom to choose healthy courses of action.
There are many tools available to loosen and untie the knots that life is presenting you with, and we'll find the combination that works for you.